distribute, or create derivative works from this book in whole or in part or to

contribute to the copying, distribution, or creating of derivative works of this book…

this isn’t professional, legal or personal advice… it’s our opinions and intended for

your personal entertainment only. You are solely responsible for any actions you take

and we’re not responsible for anything you decide to do in your life.

Before you read any page beyond this one, you agree to the following:

create derivative works from this book or our website without permission from A New Mode,

Inc. through express written permission from the authors, Eric Charles and Sabrina Alexis. By

reading any of the contents of this book beyond this page, you agree to the following: You

understand that the information contained on this page and in this book is an opinion, and it

should be used for personal entertainment purposes only.

You are responsible for your own behavior, and none of this book is to be considered legal or

personal advice."

Now let’s move on to the fun stuff…

Prologue

Introduction

CHAPTER 1: The Mindset And Behaviors That Kill A

Relationship

WHAT MEN CONSIDER NEEDY BEHAVIOR

HOW NEEDINESS RUINS A RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO PREVENT NEEDINESS (AND BE THE WOMAN MEN CAN’T RESIST).. 25

HOW TO REDEEM YOURSELF FROM NEEDY BEHAVIOR ………

CHAPTER 2: When Seemingly Good Connection/

Relationship Goes Bad

WHY DIDN’T HE TEXT BACK?

WHY DIDN’T HE VANISH?

WHEN A GUY ACTS DISTANT AND WITHDRAWS

CHAPTER 3: When You Don’t Know How He Feels About

You

HOW TO KNOW IF A GUY LIKES YOU

HOW TO KNOW IF HE LOVES YOU

HOW TO KNOW IF HE’S PLAYING YOU AND/OR JUST WANTS SEX ………..……. 73

CHAPTER 4: When A Guy Won’t Put A Label (Or A Ring)

On It

WHEN A GUY WON’T CALL YOU HIS GIRLFRIEND

WHEN HE WON’T COMMIT ON FACEBOOK

WHEN HE ISN’T PROPOSING

CHAPTER 5: Dealing With A Guy With Baggage

103

DEALING WITH A GUY WHO LOST HIS JOB

103

DATING A GUY ON THE REBOUND

107

DATING A GUY WITH “EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE”

113

WHEN TO WALK AWAY

119

CHAPTER 6: How To Get Him To Treat You Better And

Value You More

122

A LITTLE APPRECATION GOES A LONG WAY

122

BE THE PRIZE AND HE WILL DO WHATEVER HE CAN TO WIN YOU OVER... 128

BONUS FOOTAGE

135

Final Thoughts

136

Free Chapter Intro

From Sabrina Alexis

Once upon a time, long before A New Mode even existed, I was just

like you - an amazing woman with plenty to offer who just couldn’t

seem to get the love I wanted.

I wanted to have an amazing relationship with an amazing guy, a

guy who loved and appreciated me for exactly who I was, but it

just never panned out. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get a man; it was

that I couldn’t seem to make it stick. And even when I did find

myself in a relationship, I always felt like I was at the mercy of the

guy, like the relationship was a ticking time bomb and the slightest

movement on my part would set it off and send him running for

cover.

I could never really enjoy my relationships because I was crippled

by the fear of everything coming apart.

The real kicker for me was when the guy who I considered to be

the love of my life left me for someone else. Not only that, this new

girl managed to turn him into the guy I always wanted him to be.

With me he was distant and confusing, giving me no comfort or

security in the relationship. Even though he was with me, I never

felt like I had him. I felt like he was always just beyond my grasp

and could slip away at any moment. With her, he was Mr. loving

and affectionate.

He became official with her in a matter of weeks, he posted album

after album of the two of them on Facebook. With me it took six

months to get him to admit we were in an actual relationship, and

being official on Facebook was totally out of the question.

At the time it made zero sense to me. I was so good to him, so

loving, so kind, why wasn’t he that kind of guy when he was with

Free Chapter Intro

me? Why wasn’t I worthy of his love in the same way she was?

Was she better than me? Prettier? Smarter?

The answer is no. The answer is something I didn’t discover until

much later. The problem wasn’t that I was unworthy of him, the

problem was I didn’t know I was worthy of having an amazing

relationship. Instead, I accepted whatever scraps he was willing to

give, and as a result, all I got were scraps.

This guy wasn’t the only one who broke my heart, there were

others who dented it along the way.

Time after time I just felt so helpless and confused. I just wanted

to understand what I was doing wrong and how I could attain a

happy relationship with a guy I could just be myself around. I felt

so lost and alone, two of the worst feelings there are in this life. I

would buy books on relationships and read any article I could get

my hands on, but the answers I was desperately seeking were

never found.

What I didn't realize at the time was one fundamental secret about

how men operate, an understanding that put an end to my

confusion by making me realize that men really aren’t so

complicated. From there, relationships became easy, fun, and

effortless. Once I spread the gospel onto my friends and watched

as their relationships completely transformed as well.

My years of heartache instilled an overwhelming desire to create a

resource where women could get answers to all their dating

dilemmas. And not just any answers—real, honest, no-nonsense

answers that cut straight to the heart of the matter.

I teamed up with dating coach Eric Charles in 2008 to launch A New

Mode and within a few short months our readership exploded on

account of our relationship content.

In time, we decided that blog articles wouldn’t be enough to help

our readers get the relationships they were seeking….we needed to

get it all down in a book so they could really learn the system

inside out.

Free Chapter Intro

And this is how ―He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s

Romantic Code to Get the Relationship you Want‖ was born.

With this book, our mission was to break down the most common

relationship issues and identify why they happen and how to avoid

them. When you understand how men operate and what a

relationship looks like from a male’s perspective, you will know

exactly how to get the relationship you’ve always wanted.

Without further adieu, I hope you enjoy this free chapter from the

book.

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good

Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

"Before you fall in love, make sure there is someone there to catch

you." - Anonymous

The most common types of questions boil down to amateur

detective work on why a guy didn’t do what the girl wanted him to

do.

The questions take on different forms, but ultimately the

pattern is this: A girl likes a guy... he shows some kind of signal

that he might like her... a courtship of sorts ensues and things

seem to be going great, but then… he starts to withdraw. As soon

as this happens, the poor girl becomes overwhelmed with self-

doubt and confusion about the guy and might start chasing him and

hunting him down to get some answers…which causes him to

withdraw even further.

The ultimate question comes down to this: "I thought he liked

me, what happened?"

We get flooded with e-mails about how some guy didn’t text

back or didn’t call or didn’t set his Facebook status to say "In a

relationship." The majority of these issues could be resolved by

doing one simple thing: backing off. When you take a few steps

backward, it gives him the space to move a few steps forward and

put forth a little more effort to win you over. Keep going and you’ll

see what we mean.

WHY DIDN’T HE TEXT BACK?

Using a guy’s text message habits as a litmus test for your

relationship status seems to be the norm these days (even though

it’s completely and utterly arbitrary, but we’ll get to that later).

If a guy doesn’t text a girl back it’s usually for one of the

following reasons:

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

He’s not that into her

He’s busy

She’s being needy and he doesn’t want to deal with it

He didn’t have his phone nearby

He’s hanging out with another girl

First and foremost, do not try to fix the behavior with why didn‟t

yous (Why didn‟t you call? Why didn‟t you tell me you might be

late? Why didn‟t you text back sooner?), nothing along those lines!

You might think you’re drawing a line in the sand, but he sees it as

something else entirely: neediness.

Here are a few tips to help you keep a clear head and an

objective perspective if you find yourself in this sort of situation:

Examine the Circumstance

We live in an ADD culture and when a guy doesn’t text back

immediately, it’s most likely because he’s busy. Guys tend to be

single-minded in what they’re doing and tend to focus on meeting

one objective at a time. If a guy is busy, the last thing he wants is

to be interrupted over and over again with text messages and the

burden of having to respond right away. Usually, what started out

as something innocent (him being busy) turns into unnecessary

drama (you overreacting and seeing it as a sign that the

relationship is in trouble).

Before you get all riled up about his texting habits and what it

means, examine the circumstances. If he disappears when you're in

the middle of making plans and things start to get complicated (you

say you’re busy this day, he’s busy on that day, you’re free after

eight, he can only do before seven), then he probably got

distracted somewhere along the way and is directing his attention

elsewhere. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to see you; he was

probably in the middle of something else and planned on getting

back to you when he could focus and didn’t feel the need to text

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

further at that exact moment since you guys were going around in

circles anyway.

He may also go silent if you’re having one of those texting-but-

not-talking-about-anything conversations (How are you?...Good,

you?...Good, work is stressing me out…Same, today has been non-

stop…Same here…). Guys are very goal-oriented and oftentimes

they’ll just get distracted and not feel the need to text further

unless it’s for a specific purpose.

Men are not women, shocking right? While most women can

effectively juggle a minimum of five things at a time, men have

enough trouble focusing on one thing at a time. Just because

texting while you’re in the middle of a million other things comes

easily to you doesn’t mean it’s the same for him. Women are

naturally good at multi-tasking; most men are not. Remember this

and cut him some slack when he takes longer than you would to

respond.

We can never really know what’s going on in someone else’s

head. When it comes to this whole texting issue (and by the way,

most guys have no idea how crazy this whole texting/calling

regularly thing is for girls, none!), trying to get to the why is an

exercise in futility. A much more effective use of your time is to

focus on how you react to the situation.

The Best Reaction Is No Reaction

When you stop reacting to things automatically, you gain

awareness of the situation. You will stop getting lost in emotions

that don’t help you and will gain a clearer perspective on the best

way to respond (if the situation even warrants a response). When

you are unreactive, you get to choose the best move. When you

are able to see things from a more objective standpoint, you’ll

realize that him not texting you back promptly isn’t that big of a

deal.

Rather than getting consumed with fury when he takes a while

to respond, just shift your focus and do something else. And

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

whatever you do, don‟t wait on him. People tend to see how much

they can get away with. If you’re always available to a guy, he’ll

treat you like an option rather than a priority. If you are selectively

available and only act as accommodating as he is to you, you will

get the respect and "good behavior" you’re looking for.

This isn’t just a guy thing, it’s a human thing - we value only

what we have to work for. Or, put differently, we value the things

that aren’t guaranteed or freely available to us unless we earn

them.

When trying to figure out the appropriate response to certain

situations, it’s helpful to think about the way you interact with your

friends. If you text one of your friends asking what she’s up to that

night and don’t hear back from her for a few hours, do you go into

panic mode and assume she no longer cares about you? Do you

analyze the last text you sent her, searching for hidden clues to tell

you what you did wrong? Do you feel angry and throw your hands

up with an exasperated I just don‟t get it!? Probably not. Chances

are you don’t even notice how long she takes to answer your text.

And if you do, you probably assume she’s busy or doesn’t have her

phone handy.

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if you could respond in the same

calm and collected manner when a guy you like takes a while to

text back? Well then there you go! The choice is up to you.

Remember, this doesn’t make you a pushover or a doormat. It

makes you a confident woman who doesn’t need a guy to text her

every five minutes in order to know he really cares about her.

Assume He Likes You

If you assume he likes you, you remove the fear and the anxiety

that stems from this whole "why didn’t he text me back?"

conundrum. He likes you. You know he does (or at least, you’re

doing a good job convincing yourself he does!), so what is there to

worry about?

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

People who assume other people like them are more likable.

The same is true for people who assume others don‟t like them: if

you believe you are unlikable, people will be more likely to dislike

you. Sure, it may seem a little delusional to force yourself into

believing the other person feels the way you want them to feel, but

the truth is that we do it all the time anyway. The trouble is most

people automatically assume the worst and look for signs that point

to the outcome they don’t want. If you’re going to make any

assumptions, you may as well go with the one that serves you

instead of one that guarantees failure.

Be Complete

One of the best things you can do is make sure that you have a full

and enjoyable life. When your life is meaningful and full of friends,

fun, and fulfillment, you won’t fall into the trap of obsessing when

that next text is going to come or if he called or not; you’ll be too

busy enjoying the rest of your life.

If you are smothering a guy with needing him to reassure you

and text you back constantly, you will drive him away. The right

move in this situation is to back off, keep your life filled with fun

and exciting options, and give him space to put in the effort and

pursue you. This isn’t being manipulative - guys actually like to

pursue women (to a point) and they appreciate having the space to

do so.

What It Looks Like

Marissa and Luke had been seeing each other for a few months and

while things were going well, Marissa was growing increasingly

frustrated by Luke’s texting habits.

Luke would often go MIA when they were in the middle of

making plans and while she often accommodated his flakiness, she

was getting sick of telling her friends, "Oh, I can’t commit to

anything this weekend because I might have plans with Luke, still

waiting to hear back…" She called him out on it a few times and

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

while he would apologize for "leaving her hanging," the problem

persisted.

Luke was simply a bad texter, some people are just born that

way. He didn’t mean to do it; he wasn’t intentionally trying to piss

her off; he just didn’t have any sort of substantial motivation to

change this ingrained behavior. By waiting around for him to

respond and being so accommodating to his schedule, Marissa was

perpetuating the very problem she was so steadfastly fighting

against.

Eventually, Marissa decided enough was enough. One week she

made tentative plans with Luke to do something that coming

Saturday. True to form, he didn’t finalize anything and simply

stopped texting after they decided "maybe we’ll do something on

Saturday." Marissa knew if she pressed him to make a definite plan

he would just give her vague answers ("I may have to work, I’ll let

you know," "My friend might be coming to town, not sure yet, I’ll

keep you posted"), so when he didn’t lock down something by the

end of the week, she made other plans. That Saturday, Luke texted

her at around 5 p.m. asking what time they were meeting and was

stunned when she said she couldn’t see him because she made

plans with her girlfriends.

"What do you mean you have other plans? We were supposed

to do something tonight."

"Well you said you might be free, but we never decided on

anything concrete, so I assumed it was a no go. So sorry for the

mix up, have a fun night!"

Luke stayed home that night twiddling his thumbs and torturing

himself with thoughts of how many guys were hitting on his girl at

that exact moment. From then on, he never left her hanging and

was sure to make definite plans in advance.

When He Goes from Texting A Lot…to Nothing

There are some situations where a guy is a horrible texter from the

start (like Luke), and other cases where his texting habits slowly

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

disintegrate over time. In the beginning, he’s a texting machine.

After a month or two, not so much. He’ll text here and there, but

nowhere near his texting glory days.

The problem is not that you are doing something inherently

wrong to cause him to text less frequently. The problem is that it’s

not sustainable. Texting constantly is—to put it bluntly—a pain in

the rear for most guys.

In the beginning of a relationship, it’s natural for the guy to try

to win you over and to do whatever he can to keep your attention

on him. And what better way to insert himself into your mind than

by texting you throughout the day? Once things are a bit more

established, he may not feel the need to do this anymore. Also, it’s

not a realistic, sustainable habit to be constantly texting little

messages all day.

Guys, lovable as they can be, usually like to use the phone to

make a plan and that’s it. They don’t like chitchat if it’s not towards

a purpose; it’s just not how they’re wired.

A big mistake many women make is assuming the guy no

longer feels as strongly for her because he texts less frequently.

Texting isn’t a barometer for the relationship. The time you spend

together, and how meaningful and enjoyable it is, counts much

more than the amount of time that has elapsed since his last text.

Instead of counting the texts and analyzing the emoticons, put

your focus on creating a life that is fulfilling outside of the

relationship and a connection that is meaningful within the

relationship.

WHY DID HE VANISH?

Now this is a frustrating situation if ever there was one. You’re

seeing a guy, you think things are rolling right along splendidly,

and then suddenly he’s gone, vanished without a trace. You

consider for a moment if he might be dead or in a coma, but you

notice there has been activity on his Facebook page, so that’s not

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

it. He has just suddenly and abruptly decided he no longer wants to

see you and you’re left trying to figure out why.

At the end of the day, you don’t know why and there is no way

you’ll be able to know for sure. And frankly, it would be a waste of

time to try and play detective. There’s no benefit to putting yourself

through that agony.

It really doesn’t matter why he vanished or what, if anything,

broke the camel’s back. The bigger issue here is your emotional

state. You’re confused, you’re worried, you’re upset. You’re racking

your brain trying to pinpoint the moment it all went wrong. You

examine all the possibilities. Is it something I said? Something I

did? Something I didn‟t do? These emotions are all understandable

when someone you care about disappears.

The Most Likely Reason…

While every situation is different, these disappearing acts usually

occur because the guy feels trapped or freaked out by the

relationship and finds it easier to just remove himself entirely

instead of looking you in the face and telling you why he doesn’t

want to be with you (does anyone, guy or girl, ever really want to

have that conversation? Yes it’s the more dignified approach, but

it’s also the more torturous!).

This sort of thing doesn’t usually boil down to one particular

thing you said or did. It’s probably rooted in an overall vibe that

you’re conveying, and that vibe would be none other than our dear

friend neediness. If you are absolutely positive that you did not

send out any "needy" signals and you were as cool and confident as

can be, then he probably has a wife and kids somewhere, or maybe

he did lapse into a coma. It’s always one of those three.

Guys aren’t anti-relationship. A guy will happily hop into a

relationship with a woman who brings out the best in him and

makes him feel great about who he is and what he has to offer. If

you communicate, even in the slightest way, that a relationship

with him is going to be some kind of life preserver or crutch for

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

your emotional stability, he will definitely not want to pursue a

relationship with you. His reasoning will most likely be that he’s got

enough problems of his own to deal with and the last thing he

needs is to take on someone else’s.

The best thing you can do is work on yourself and focus on

becoming the best version of you. Be the kind of girl that no man

would ever dream of leaving without an explanation, or leaving

period.

When a Guy Vanishes After a Great First Date

While not quite as tormenting as when a guy you’ve been seeing

pulls a vanishing act, a guy disappearing after an amazing first date

is equally puzzling and can do a number on your self-esteem.

There are a few possible reasons why a guy might fade into the

abyss after a seemingly wonderful first date. Either he wasn’t that

into you and was just being polite throughout the date, was

primarily trying to get laid and decided not to push it any further

when you didn’t put out that night, or he didn’t think you were that

into him.

Possibility #1: He’s not that into you

For whatever reason, he may just not be into you. Sometimes the

chemistry just isn’t there, it happens. There is also a possibility that

you came across as alarmingly eager. Interest and enthusiasm are

not the same as over-eagerness. If he feels that you’re unjustifiably

eager, he may want to get out of the situation as quickly as

possible.

On a first date, a guy can usually piece together whether dating

you is going to be more of a liability than a good thing for him. He

asks about yourself, he gets a sense of how much you enjoy your

life and what you do to fill your time. If you pretty much don’t

enjoy anything (you don’t really like your friends anymore, you

don’t like your job, you don’t like your lifestyle), then he is most

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

likely going to avoid dating you because he doesn’t want to be the

guy who has to perk you up.

On the other end of the spectrum, talking endlessly about how

great your life is reeks of the same emotional baggage. Bragging

conveys that you have something to prove and that you’re trying to

impress him. You don’t have to tell him about how many guys hit

on you when you go out, or how your ex is still so obsessed with

you, or how you are the most important person at your job, or how

you have the coolest life anyone can imagine. If you carry yourself

with confidence, he will assume these things all on his own and

then he will be the one trying to win you over.

When you make a strong case for your awesomeness, all he’ll

see is your insecurities and no guy wants to deal with that. Next

time you find yourself asserting your "greatness," take a step back

and remember this phrase: A rich man doesn’t need to tell you he’s

rich.

Suggestion: A useful concept to keep in mind is the self-fulfilling

prophecy—that which we believe (or fear) tends to come true when

it is focused on earnestly. This concept can have a positive or

negative effect on a person’s life, depending on whether they

habitually focus on positive outcomes or negative outcomes. If you

go into a date full of fear of rejection, you are setting yourself up to

get rejected. If you go in with confidence, truly believing this guy

will be powerless against your charm and endless virtues, then you

pretty much guarantee a second date before you even start the

first one.

Possibility #2: He doesn’t think you’re into him

Guys can be somewhat uneasy when they first meet a woman. It

varies from guy to guy (and also depends on how many women

he’s dated), but sometimes it takes a bright blinking neon sign in

order for a guy to know that a woman likes him. As guys get more

experienced with women, they generally know that their best bet is

to assume the woman is interested in them and act accordingly

(respectfully, of course). However, not all guys come from this

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

place of internal validation and they may look to the woman for

signs that indicate she’s attracted. If she is guarded, playing hard-

to-get, or just not a very expressive type of person, he may

interpret her behavior as meaning she’s not feeling him.

Here are a few things that a woman might do unconsciously

during a date that signal to a guy she’s not interested:

• Texting or talking on the phone during a date. (If you

genuinely have to and you’re apologetic, that’s fine.

Otherwise, red flag.)

• Not smiling.

• Not really participating in the conversation. He talks and you

respond with something minimal in an indifferent tone.

• Actively showing disinterest in talking to him - paying

attention to other things happening in the room, checking the

time, checking for the waiter to hurry up and bring the bill.

Confusing Situation Decoded

You go on a date with a guy who not only seemed really interested,

but actually said, "I’m really into you"…and never hear from him

again (or worse, receive an e-mail from him apologizing and saying

he didn’t feel a "spark"). You feel utterly confused by this,

especially since he poured it on so thick, telling you how

beautiful/amazing /smart/incredible/fabulous you are and even

ending the date with a passionate kiss. No spark?!

The most likely explanation here is that during the date, the

guy, for whatever reason, decided that you weren’t the kind of girl

he could see himself with. However, he still finds you sexy and his

feelings of attraction may overpower the logical side of his brain,

hence the sweet nothings. To put it bluntly, he'd be up for having

sex with you, but not into having a boyfriend-girlfriend type of

relationship with you (which is what he believes you want).

This scenario is one of the main reasons women are warned so

heavily against sleeping with a guy on the first date. If you sleep

with this kind of guy, he’ll never call again and if you don’t sleep

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

with him, he’ll also (most likely) never call again. The moral of the

story? Ignore the kisses and compliments and hone in on the actual

person.

Cheat Sheet

On a first date, it’s always best to show interest without seeming

over eager. If it sounds confusing, here are some quick tips to get

it right:

Do: Listen to him, make eye contact, keep your phone tucked away

(and if you must check it, do so when you take a bathroom break),

ask questions, smile, laugh when he says something funny (or

something he thinks is funny), find subtle ways to touch him.

Don’t: Hang on every single word like a love struck Romeo, agree

with everything he says even if you don’t actually agree, brag

about yourself, complain about your life, talk about your exes, ask

when you’re going to see him again, ask him what he’s looking for

relationship-wise, be too aggressive, throw yourself at him.

When A Guy Vanishes Before A Great First Date

You meet a guy—maybe it’s at a bar, a coffee shop, bookstore,

wherever, and it just clicks. You talk about hanging out sometime,

swap digits, he says he’ll call…and he never does. Now you’re really

flippin’ confused. How can he dump you before taking you out on

one stinkin’ date?

This premature vanishing act can occur for a million reasons.

You never really know with strangers; he might be married with

kids or a serial killer on the loose. He may have chickened out or

maybe he forgot about you (this is usually the case if you met at a

dark bar during the wee hours).

You can never really know with absolute certainty why a guy

never called, but we can give you helpful pointers to up your odds

and help you become more call-able.

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

The best way to pique a man’s interest is to be confident, open,

friendly, and able to hold your own in a conversation. Talk to him

like you already know him (as opposed to awkward, interview-like,

stilted bar conversation). This establishes a connection and comfort

level and reduces the risk of him chickening out on making the

phone call.

Here are a few more handy pointers:

1. Have him picture you hanging out together

This is a great psychological trick. When you’re talking to a guy that

you’re digging, try to maneuver the conversation toward things you

two could do together. Most importantly, get him to picture doing

whatever this thing is together with you. It doesn’t matter what it

is—cooking, grocery shopping, rock climbing, playing Wii Tennis. If

he is able to picture the two of you having fun hanging out in the

future, it is much more likely to happen.

Having someone picture hanging out with you in the future and

having fun makes them feel comfortable with the idea, like it’s

already happened. Remember, don’t force things along (unless

you’re incredibly skillful in conversation), just work it in naturally

and gently.

2. Don’t be afraid to be challenging and/or tease him a bit

Most men would agree that the women who make the biggest

impression are the ones who challenge them in some way.

Sometimes they’re challenging by teasing a bit. Sometimes they’re

challenging by not going along with everything he’s

saying. Sometimes they’re challenging by calling him out on his

B.S.

When a woman is challenging, in addition to being interesting

and fun, it’s an irresistible combination. Being challenging without

any other qualities, however, is just plain annoying. When you can

mix in a little bit of challenge in addition to your normal charming

disposition, you’ll find that a little push goes a long way.

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

A lot of women misinterpret this to mean being difficult, bitchy,

or contrarian. That is not what we recommend. The simple trick

here is to act like a complete equal who can expand and deepen his

experience of life because you don't just go along with everything

he says and everything he does. If you do agree with him or want

to go along with him on something, by all means do! It would be

silly to put up static against what you do want.

Don’t be afraid to voice your true feelings and true opinions for

fear that the guy will reject you. In reality, this kind of honesty will

only deepen your relationship with him (and his respect and

attraction towards you).

3. Enjoy the conversation for what it is

Girls who have experienced this sort of disappearing act many

times before may end up developing a complex around it, telling

themselves things like, "All the guys I actually like never call me

back" or, "Guys never call me, what am I doing to scare them

away?" This automatically poisons their interactions with men

because they will be coming from a place of fear and, you guessed

it, neediness.

If you go into a conversation fearing that a guy won’t do

something that you want him to do, you are bringing neediness into

the interaction. That is, you need him to act a certain way

otherwise you’ll feel worried/upset/sad/insecure.

Neediness is one of those vibes that just repels people, even if it

doesn’t manifest in an outwardly obvious way. Neediness from a

guy is just as repulsive to a girl as neediness from a girl is to a

guy. Think about the guys who go out of their way to impress you

before they even really know you. Does this make you feel special?

Probably not, it probably creeps you out.

So what’s the solution? Enjoy the conversation for what it is. Put

your best self forward and if you like him, try to set the stage for a

date.

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

4. Assume he’s going to call

No matter what, assume he’s going to call from the start of the

interaction and stick to that assumption! Don’t try to get him to

give you this assurance by saying something desperate like, "Are

you sure you’re gonna call? You promise? You pinky promise?" And

don’t think you’re being stealthy by hiding your desperation under a

cloak of flirtation with something like, "I bet you always hit on girls

and say you’ll call you sneaky little stud you."

No matter how you phrase it, if you try to get some sort of

guarantee that he’s going to call, you’re telling him that you’re

insecure and don’t think you’re good enough for him to call. If you

don’t think that about yourself, why should he?

5. Let it be

Once you’ve done all that… that’s it. Women set the stage for

future heartache (and a whopping headache) when they analyze

and obsess over the details. If you don’t hear from him and you did

everything we mentioned above, then there were extenuating

circumstances that had nothing to do with you (the wife, the kids,

the cops on his tail).

Your only option at this point is to take a step back and swallow

a giant chill pill. Maybe do some yoga, practice meditating, hang

out with friends, any distraction is good because the thinking and

obsessing will only cause more problems down the road.

WHEN A GUY ACTS DISTANT AND WITHDRAWS

Before a guy vanishes, there is often a period of withdrawal. Only

he doesn’t seem to experience any withdrawal symptoms. No those

are reserved for you (nausea, stomach pains, anxiety, sweaty

palms, insomnia). Yes, as he withdraws, you go further into

withdrawal. You are a junkie and he is slowly weaning you off the

drug known on the streets as Him.

This is a critical time when the fate of your relationship is

almost entirely under your control.

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

When a guy pulls back, the curtains open, the spotlight is on

and it’s shining right down on you. How you react tells him exactly

who you are and what kind of girl you will be in a relationship. It

might not be true, but it feels pretty darn true to him so he’ll back

off, more and more.

The way you react to him pulling away speaks volumes and is

the deciding vote in whether or not this relationship will survive.

You are down to your final question and your lifelines have all been

used up. Are you sure you want to choose that reaction?

Now to be clear, we do not advocate intentionally manipulating

your behavior for the sole purpose of getting the guy, that’s just

neediness all dressed up. No, if you’re going to survive this

inevitable relationship hurdle, you need to genuinely be in the right

place emotionally.

When a guy starts to pull away, a lot of women hit the rewind

button in their minds and think back to a happier time—the

beginning. He liked me so much at first, I don‟t get it! He told me I

was beautiful, that he had never ever met anyone like me, that I

was the most magnificent creature to ever walk the earth. Why is

he doing this?! Why???!!!

We’re gonna get to all of that, but first let’s talk about the

things guys say in the beginning of a relationship because this

really seems to trip up most women.

"But he was so sweet in the beginning, was it a lie?"

When a guy says things like, "I’ve never liked a girl so much so

soon," or texts you saying he misses you when you barely know

each other, he is not making a declaration of everlasting, undying

love for you. He is just saying that at that moment, he feels good

about you. However, all emotions are subject to change.

Statements like this should be enjoyed, but taken with a grain of

salt and not treated as milestones or markers of the quality of your

relationship. Not in the beginning, at least.

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

The things a guy says in the early stages of a relationship are

also often rooted in his own insecurity. That may be hard to

believe, but it’s true. He doesn’t know whether or not you actually

like him or if you are attracted to him, so he may throw things out

there just to see how you respond and to get a read on the

relationship potential. Everyone wants to be liked; it’s a great

feeling for both guys and girls. However, it’s important to keep in

mind that all that mushy stuff he piles on in the beginning is

primarily his way of hooking you in and seeing where you stand,

not necessarily his way of expressing his feelings.

It’s not that he doesn’t feel anything for you or that he won’t

feel anything for you, but at this early phase, it’s all just poetry. It

will be real when both of you are convinced that you like each other

and you are both able to drop your guards and get to know each

other on a more real and personal level, one that doesn’t involve

reading the proverbial signs.

When he feels that there is a real connection between the two

of you, when he knows that you like him back and you both enjoy

your time together, that is when things will take on a more

meaningful shape.

When the Sweet Talk Stops

He’s being all sweet and it’s working, you start to really like him…

and then there’s a palpable shift. This is usually the point where the

guy realizes that you really like him, he has you, and he doesn’t

have to worry whether or not he could lose you anymore. Things

are probably starting to get comfortable—you make plans regularly,

you’re in contact more frequently, and a relationship seems just

around the corner.

While you might start getting really excited by this prospect,

this particular guy has probably gotten freaked out. At this point,

he’s afraid everything he said in the beginning led you to believe

that you guys are a couple. As a reaction to this fear, he may start

acting out to show you that this is not the case. He cancels plans,

he goes MIA for days at a time, he acts distant when you guys do

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

speak or hang out. You feel overwhelmed by confusion and yearn

for things to go back to the way they were.

At the root of it, the same sense of insecurity that made him

obsessed with finding out if you like him is now scaring him into

thinking that you’re going to take his freedom away. This is a guy

thing; he might be completely faithful to you in every way, but he

still wants to feel like he can do whatever he wants. What may

seem like a sudden loss of interest is really just his way of holding

onto his freedom. It doesn’t mean he’s not into you anymore; the

reason he’ll send those sweet texts from time to time is to make

sure you know he’s still interested. His behavior is really his way of

trying to slow things down. The way you respond determines

whether they ever pick back up.

The Freak Out Phase

The Freak Out Phase usually occurs after a relationship hits some

sort of milestone. This can be something substantial, like becoming

"official," or something subtle, like a sense that the relationship is

deepening. As soon as this happens, an alarm bell may go off in a

man’s mind, scaring him into thinking that he’s about to lose his

freedom and independence. As a reaction, he may withdraw a bit.

The way you respond during this time is critical.

If you start getting on his case (Why didn‟t you call? Where

have you been? Why are you being so shady?), he will start to feel

trapped and suffocated and will pull away even more. If you keep

badgering him, he will no longer see you as a prize he needs to win

over, he will see you as a desperate and clingy pest.

When you take his actions personally and assume he’s

withdrawing because of something you said or did, you will start

acting all needy and insecure, suffocating the guy with your fears

and concerns. When this happens, his mind goes, SEE!! I told you

you're losing your freedom! Look at how she's all on top of you

now! Not giving you even an ounce of space or freedom for

yourself! Run Forrest, run!

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

When a guy asks for space, this is what usually happens:

1. Guy, for whatever reason, feels emotionally unbalanced. This

could stem from feeling pressured, fear of commitment, or any

number of reasons, but something is causing him to feel a little

"freaked."

2. Guy feels he needs to handle his issue and thinks that having girl

around will make it much harder for him to figure things out.

3. Guy tells girl he needs space.

4. Girl gives him space, but then starts thinking about what she

could have done wrong and tries to figure out what sparked this

sudden need for space.

5. Girl’s thinking quickly becomes coated with tremendous

insecurity, fear of abandonment, jealousy, a feeling that she

screwed up somehow, or that she wasn’t good enough.

6. Girl works herself into such an emotional wreck that she can’t

help herself from contacting the guy, hoping to receive reassurance

or validation while trying to force things to go back to the way they

were pre-freak-out.

7. Guy feels pressured and interrupted, which makes him more

emotionally unstable and makes it harder to handle his issues.

8. Guy pulls back further, girl sees this as further confirmation that

everything she was fearing is true.

9. Cycle continues, repeat steps 7, 8 and 9 indefinitely.

A guy can withdraw for any number of reasons and it isn’t a

phenomenon exclusive to the early stages of a relationship. Guys

may also take a step back when they feel that something is wrong

in the relationship and they want to get a handle on how they feel

about it on their own. What they don’t want is someone hounding

them to explain their feelings and actions, especially since they’re

not clear on these things themselves.

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

Or maybe there’s nothing going on upstairs and he’s just testing

the waters before he emotionally invests himself further…

The Testing Phase

What many people refer to as the "Testing Phase" is actually more

like "the guy showing his true self to see how you will react phase."

Realistically, a guy isn’t always going to act the way he did in the

very beginning. In the beginning, he’s trying to win you over. He

calls you every day, he takes you out to nice places, and when he’s

with you his focus is fully on you. However, this can’t go on forever.

There will be times when he can’t constantly check in and

eventually, he’s going to have to devote energy and effort to areas

in his life outside of you.

What may feel like a test or a withdrawal is often just him being

his normal self. The way you respond is vital if you want the

relationship to live to see another day. If you instantly pounce on

him when he takes a while to text back, he may see it as a taste of

worse things to come, of more constant questions, of more

demands he has to fulfill, and he will head for the hills. If you freak

out when he turns his head to look at a pretty girl or if he has a

conversation with a female other than you, he’ll see you as

insecure (and a little crazy) and there is nothing that turns a man

off faster than that (actually neediness can, but neediness and

insecurity go hand in hand).

The best way for a guy to determine if he wants to be with a

particular woman is to see how she reacts when she doesn’t get

what she wants. Think about it, it’s easy to be with a woman when

she’s happy and when you’re doing everything she wants. But

that’s not always possible; every man knows that sooner or later

the woman is going to be unhappy with something he says or does.

For a man, it’s better to know how she’ll react to these things

before he gets in too deep.

When a guy "tests" you, he’s really looking to see how secure

you are and how well you can handle yourself and your emotions. If

you lose control, you will confirm his preconceived notion that all

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

women are crazy and too emotional. Keep your cool and handle

yourself with dignity and he will think he has finally found the

diamond in the rough. At last! A woman who will let me breathe!

I‟m hanging onto this one and never letting go!

It may seem childish or unfair, but before you rage against the

whole system, remember that women also have their way of

testing men. We may complain about it, but when you get to the

heart of it, testing is a good thing. Testing is how we protect

ourselves from long-term heartache and eventual heartbreak.

If a girl is too insecure to handle having to wait for a text or her

guy glancing over at another woman, then she's really not ready

for a long-term relationship anyway, plain and simple.

An Important Clarification on Testing

Many women hear about men "testing" women in relationship and

get this idea that men are intentionally doing and saying things to

test a woman's response. This is not the case. Men don’t seek out

ways to cause drama and promote game playing. A man's ideal

world is a world with no drama and no problems.

The reality is that men are just going along being themselves

and when a girl reacts with drama and turmoil, they notice it. Men

can't help but take note and remember these things. Guys are

typically pretty understanding; they understand that everyone has

the occasional bad day. But when they see a pattern of drama,

neediness, or insecurity, it becomes a huge red flag. This is all

picked up subconsciously; it's not that men are intentionally testing

women, it's just that men can't help but pick up on, and remember,

bad reactions.

The Post-Coital Test

The way you behave after you sleep with a guy for the first time is

the biggest "test" of all, so if you want this relationship to work,

you best not screw it up!

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

After you sleep with a guy, he will often assume that you’re

going to get attached and want to be his girlfriend, like, yesterday.

It's a powerful stereotype that isn't going anywhere anytime soon,

sorry.

Again, it comes down to being cool, collected, and confident. Do

not start having visions of the future; stop planning those couples

vacations in your mind; stop thinking of all the fun things you and

your new boyfriend are gonna do. Why stop? Because he's not your

boyfriend yet!

If you guys are official before you seal the deal in the biblical

sense, then just move along at the same pace as before. Don’t

assume everything is different now because in his mind it isn’t, he’s

just so terrified that it is in your mind. After you sleep with a guy

for the first time, he turns into a teeny tiny mouse; even the

slightest most minute thing can send him scurrying off to vanish

into the nearest hiding place until it’s safe to come out.

Remember, play it cool. Act as if everything is the same and do

not press him for any sort of reassurance. If he backs off, do not

freak out. He did not use you, he wasn’t only looking to get laid, he

isn’t backing off because he no longer cares. Pulling back a bit

might not even be a conscious decision on his part, it may be a

manifestation of society’s notion that all women turn into clingy

crazies after they do the deed and he might unconsciously be trying

to see if it’s true. Keep your cool and he will know you’re a keeper.

Just to clarify, a relationship certainly can deepen after sex,

especially if you wait until you’ve established a solid connection

with your partner. It really varies from one couple to the next, but

for all intents and purposes, it’s best to not over-dramatize things

and keep moving along at the same pace. If there has been a real

shift in the dynamic of the relationship, you will both feel it and the

level of commitment and intimacy will intensify organically.

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

The Proof is in the Science

A study conducted on a college campus to understand gender

preferences when it comes to dating versus casual hookups can

better elucidate how men and women typically react after getting

physical. Overall, researchers found that men and women prefer

traditional dating over random hookups and both genders were in

accord on the benefits and risks of dating and hooking up.

However, there were some notable differences:

• Women more than men seem to want a relationship. Women

fear, both in dating and hooking up, that they will become

emotionally attached to a partner who is not interested in

them.

• Men more than women seem to value independence. Men fear

that even in hooking-up relationships, which are supposed to

be free of commitments, a woman might seek to establish a

relationship.

Fun Fact: The fears men have about women wanting a relationship

right away aren’t fully unwarranted. There are biological reasons

why women become more emotionally attached to their lovers than

men do. Studies conducted to better understand romantic

attachment discovered that orgasms cause both oxytocin and

vasopressin to be released from the hypothalamus (the part of the

brain that is responsible for pleasure and mating).

Although the two neuropeptides associated with continued

attachment are secreted in both men and women, oxytocin and

vasopressin have a stronger influence on women. What this means

is women, much more than men, will get that warm and fuzzy

feeling and feel a deep connection to their partner as a result. If

you notice your feelings for him have suddenly changed while in a

state of post-coital bliss, remember that this "connection" you feel

is just an illusion, or rather, the crafty work of some feel-good

hormones!

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

How to Get Through the Tests and Freak Outs

Surviving the "Freak Out" or "Testing" phases is pretty simple: just

play it cool.

Guys want to keep the drama in their lives to a minimum.

When a girl starts making a guy’s life more uncomfortable, less fun,

less enjoyable than before, he’ll try to get away from her as quickly

as possible. You don’t want to be the crazy lady he’s running away

from, you want to be the awesome girl he can’t stop himself from

moving closer to, and you can be!

There is nothing more appealing than a confident, happy, self-

fulfilled woman. Ask any guy and he’ll agree that this sort of a

woman is the ultimate dream girl. Unfortunately, such a woman

can be very hard to find. This is why it is so unbelievably important

to find happiness within yourself before you jump into a

relationship. If a guy knows that you don’t need him in order to be

happy, he won’t be afraid that being with you will mark the end of

his days as a free man. If he sees that you have your own life and

enjoy doing your own thing, he’ll know that you won’t cause a fuss

if he does the same.

Remember, a guy is only as invested in you as the effort he

puts into the relationship. If he’s not putting forth effort, he’s not

investing in the relationship. So don’t try to push him to do

anything - live your life and give him the space to come to you. If

he does, great, he’s further invested. If he doesn’t, well as they

say, there are plenty more fish in the sea. Either way, that’s much

better than pushing on him, him pulling away, and you smothering

the life out of the relationship.

The results can be pretty astounding. If you just back off a bit

and let it be, he will suddenly go from mixed-signal-sending-jerk to

knight in shining armor. If you don’t believe us, give it a try.

CHAPTER 2: When A Seemingly Good Connection/Relationship Goes Bad

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From Sabrina

Like what you just read? Well there’s plenty more where that came

from, five more chapters to be exact, plus an entertaining

introduction, bonus footage, and some final thoughts that will help

you move on from the relationship woes of your past and into a

better and brighter future, one where you can easily and

effortlessly get the love you’ve always wanted.

Get it now here:

==> www.anewmode.com/hes-not-that-complicated-book/

The reason you subscribed to our mailing list and read this free

chapter is because you want to understand men and have a happy,

fulfilling, amazing relationship with a man who respects and

appreciates everything about you. And you want to do it by being

yourself, not turning yourself into some stereotypical version of

what you think men want.

The remaining chapters of the book delve deep into the following

areas:

• The kinds of behaviors that push men away…. And what draws

them in and makes them never want to leave your side.

• How to know beyond a shadow of a doubt if a guy likes or

loves you

• The real reason men are resistant to commitment and

marriage (forget what you've been told, it's not what you

think!)

• How to get him to be more attentive and romantic….and how

to do it in a way that makes him want to give you everything

and be the best partner possible

• What mean really want from a relationship (it’s not the same

thing that women want)

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• How to reach him deeply, even if he's withdrawing, acting

distant, or you think it's too late

• Why guys keep you waiting by the phone…and how to

guarantee he calls or texts promptly

•

….and pretty much everything you’ve ever wanted to know

about men and relationships.

If you read our entire book, you can have that and more. You can

be the woman who gets the amazing guy and keeps him captivated

and you can do it by being yourself.

Our goal in writing this book was two-fold:

• We wanted to help you understand how men think so you can

be done with the days of banging your head against the table

and analyzing what he said and what it means

• We wanted you to get what you deserve- a loving, mutually

fulfilling relationship with a man who adores you.

With our articles, we’ve given you bite-sized pieces to build a better

relationship. With the book, we’ve put all the pieces into place and

map out a full picture of what you need to know and what you need

to do to get the relationship you want, ASAP!

The best part? It really isn’t that complicated to have these things.

Once you know how men operate, you’ll understand exactly where

you’ve gone wrong in the past and will know how to be the kind of

woman who gets and keeps the guy, without any stress, worry,

fear, or endless hours of analyzing his behavior with your

girlfriends.

If you read the full book, you will have complete clarity over your

current relationship issues as well as past relationships that left you

devastated and thoroughly confused. You will also gain confidence

in yourself, you will learn to see what it is you have to offer and

how to use those assets to their fullest potential so you can get

everything you’ve ever wanted out of life, not to mention, out of

your relationships.

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Get it now here:

==> www.anewmode.com/hes-not-that-complicated-book/

But don’t just listen to me. Here are reviews from girls who have

read the book…

Reader Reviews:

Just finished your book, loved it and felt it was worth every penny

and more

to the ANM audience that hasn't purchased this yet, I

highly recommend it! There's a lot of info that has been broken

down in easy to read format with cheat sheets for go-to reference.

If you're like me, you won't be able to put this down from start to

finish. Now I feel like I have a better focus and more clearly defined

purpose into the type of relationship I've always wanted to

have

I knew the two of you wouldn't disappoint.

– Joanne

Just wanted to congratulate you guys on this great book. There

were a lot of "Oh my god! This was exactly what I did!" and "Dear

god, I wish I had known all of this sooner!" moments. Like your

articles on ANM, this book is very VERY helpful. I've learned a lot

and I am certain I'll be able to apply everything I've learned from

you guys in my next relationship. Thank you guys. You both rock!

- Ika Koeck

So finally I read your book and I have to say it is brilliant and to the

point. I read it in one sitting because I couldn't put it down. You

systematically addressed all the most crucial issues and laid it out

clearly and concisely. I hope there will be another in the future!

- Dolores

Reading this book has changed my life. No joke! It was eye-

opening in so many ways. I was able to pinpoint exactly where

things have gone wrong in all my past relationships. At times it

made me feel foolish because I realized I was making the same

mistakes over and over. However, I finally have answers. I don‟t

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have that “what happened?!” feelings anymore. I know I‟ll be

rereading this again and again.

- Brittany

Put simply … thank you! This book has been enlightening and most

importantly explains why people think or react in a certain way.

The „final thoughts‟ page perfectly sums up how I feel … ready to

close the past and excited to look to the future with a whole new,

far less complicated, outlook.

- Donna

I love how this book is different from many relationship books out

there, it does give you the knowledge and understanding, not just

some clichés and bitchy advice. Unlike others it does not teach you

to play some kind of role, manipulate, or change yourself

completely to get what you want. It teaches you to understand

men and maybe even more importantly, yourself. I would say one

just needs an open mind, happy attitude, and this book to find the

love they want.

- Lana

I bought the book last night and I could not put it down. I seriously

read the whole thing in one sitting!! I loved it, this is probably the

best advice I have ever read from a dating book. You have certainly

opened my eyes to a few things and gave me a reminder of my self

worth. Thank you!!!!! This book is going to help so many people!

- Heather

All right, enough talk, time to take some action and get the results

you want! The full book can be purchased here:

www.anewmode.com/hes-not-that-complicated-book/

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